I am in my bed, minding my own business and I feel the Holy Spirit prompting me, compelling me, calling me to climb this mountain. I think to myself, "I am not good at climbing, I am not conditioned, I don't really like to work that hard, it is a huge mountain, there is no way I can get to the top." But God gives me this undying passion for this mountain. My desire to scale this mountain becomes so strong I MUST conquer it. So I begin to climb. At first it's okay, I am not hard on myself to get to the top fast. I take my time. It is even a little fun. But soon, the higher I get the more I realize I have to go. The higher I get the more I see that the top is still so far away. I am trudging, tired, frustrated. I cry out in frustration. I stop. I kick the dirt. I can't do it. There are others on the mountain too. Some are sprinting past me, I feel like a loser. There are some behind me too. Everyone is cheering me on, helping me, encouraging me. It's not the people, it's me. I am my own problem on this mountain. I look back down. I have come far. I can see other people at the base of the mountain. They are happy. I could go back down and join them. But I know there is a fiesta at the top of the mountain. There is blessing at the top, opportunities I wouldn't have if I stayed at the bottom. Now that I am getting higher, God asks me to lead some people around the mountain. I feel under-qualified. What if I get these people lost? What if I stumble and fall and they laugh at me? What if I am too tired to lead these people? My desire to lead people is strong, I have always dreamed of leading others, but I feel so weak. But God reminds me of his words in Isaiah 40:
"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
This isn't a real story but it is a great picture of my life. When I was 17 I knew I was called to learn Spanish and be in Latino ministries. I just knew it. God gave me a huge undying passion for the Latino culture. The Spanish language is my mountain. My strongest desire is to learn it, to proclaim Jesus' love in the heart language of the people around me here in Tijuana. I feel so weak. Some days I feel like I am sprinting, my head and my mouth are working together. Some days I am trudging and I even give up. But God is my everlasting God, he doesn't give up. He has called me to this language and he alone is the one who gives me victory! He has called me to lead people, to lead children, through him all things are possible. I have given my 5 loves and 2 fish and he has multiplied it. Yes, the more I learn, the more I realize there is to know. Fluency is a thing in my future, something I have to look forward to. So for now, I am strolling along, taking in the splendor of this language, learning new things each day. But I can't wait for the fiesta at the top, I hear there are great tacos.
Waow thanks for share That story, some times i feel that way, gracias muy buena historia Dios t bendiga
ReplyDeleteLOL I remember when my Spanish was better than yours, and thats not saying much. You go girl!
ReplyDelete"The more I learn, the more I realize there is to know."
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the truth! It gets better, but that stayes the same, as with anything. I've played guitar and bass for close to ten years and the only time I feel that I've made any progress at all is when I see someone who doesn't know anything and then I realize the peaks I've climbed in that. Spanish is much the same way. I feel like I make no progress and then I hear someone say something that I know isn't right and I know how to say it. And sometimes I look back on conversations and don't know how I had them and knew what to say and how to communicate. And then I look at the language as a whole and all my hard fought battles seem like a joke in the shadow cast by the enormity of every word and variant, and every rule and exception. But its all a matter of perspective and focus, and it helps focus on how far you've come even when it doesn't seem like that's far, and when you focus on how much more there is, use that to drive you and motivate you to not grow complacent in what yo know, and stick within the boundaries of your known vocab.