Just Shake It Off

I refuse to watch The Passion of the Christ. That kind of thing really effects me, human suffering, pain, torture, I can't handle it, even if it is the reality, even if it is what my Savior did for me. The other day I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I came across a picture of a Nepalese Christian pastor being burned at the stake for his faith. The look of intense pain and anguish as his legs are being burned off is forever etched into my brain whether I like it or not. Now, when I say these things effect me so much I can't bare to see it, I am not saying I am indifferent. I UNDERSTAND, I KNOW, what Jesus did for me on the cross, I do not need a movie to remind me. I have compassion, I am compelled to pray for the persecuted believers all over the world, I don't need to see pictures to remind me. I am not indifferent, I care so much it hurts. 

Working in the red light district of Tijuana, Mexico is another thing. I have heard the deportation stories, the stories of loss, violence, heartache, pain. I am faced with them every time we step into the park to do Zone Kids, every time we go to La Roca and visit with the people, every time we go to Zona Norte and talk with the people in the streets there. There is intense loss and heartache all around us. Some of the kids in my group at Zone Kids are neglected and abused, they have endured and seen things they never should at such young ages. We see so many women working in prostitution, the amount is staggering, and that is just in Tijuana. 
We could all list the pain we see daily, but it would take too long. We live in a broken world. It is our reality. 
After ministry, we often pray that we would not carry anything unnecessary back home with us, the burdens and sadness are not ours to bear. 
You might be thinking, wait Ellie, the Bible says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Yes! Do that! But Jesus also says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So, yes, have compassion! But lay those burdens at the foot of the cross, do not carry them around. Intercede in prayer for people who are hurting. I was once convicted, if I prayed for the kids I work with as much as I worry about them what a difference that would make. Turn that anxiety and worry into fervent prayer. Jesus already has the victory over sin, death, and the power of the Devil. I am compelled to stop acting like sin has won, we need to walk in the Light, in victory. Romans chapter 12 is great and I leave you with this, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Amen. 

I Think I am Ugly

It is a hard thing to be a girl. I remember the first time I felt ugly. I was at church in youth group and I remember thinking my friends were so pretty, why wasn't I pretty like them? I was probably 11 or 12 years old. This shows the reality of our human condition doesn't it? No one ever told me I was ugly, actually it was the opposite, I was always told I was beautiful, inside and out. But my human heart automatically chose the worst. 
I am sure all of you women reading out there can relate with me. Middle school and high school were rough. Low self esteem was queen in my life, I couldn't understand who I was on the inside, and I tried to compensate for that on the outside. Looking at pictures of myself in high school I can remember the heart ache of just wanting to think of myself as pretty as the other girls. I compared and judged and compared and judged. I am quite a bit more confident in who I am now, with the personality and talents God has given to me. But how I am on the outside? I wish I could say I was over that. I wish I could say I grew out of it. But I don't think we ever grow out of our struggles, our human nature gravitates towards it. I am 23 almost 24, I still have the same struggles I did when I was a teenager looking in the mirror, with the "evil Ellie" thoughts running through my head, "You don't look good today." "You look fat." "Your face is breaking out." "Your hair is ugly." Blah, blah, blah. 
There are so many reasons why those thoughts are so wrong. ONE, they are just plain vain. I spend too much time thinking of myself rather than thinking about God or other people around me. And, TWO, who am I to tell God he messed up? Like, "Um sorry God, my hair is way too thin and frizzy, you messed that one up!" "Good job with creating the universe God! It is so beautiful, sorry you messed up on me." This is absurd. God knew exactly what he was doing when he created us. But how do I shake these consuming thoughts? Thank you God for sending us your Word! The answer is right there in Romans 12:2: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Set your thoughts on the things of Spirit, be transformed by being willing to see yourself and those around you through the eyes of Jesus!  

Outcasts

Like every Saturday night, we took to the streets of Zona Norte. Usually we stop in the busiest part of downtown to worship and pray. These streets are bright and loud, lights are flashing, food is cooking, people are rushing. But last night we decided to head towards the side streets, the streets that aren't lit up by bright lights and flashing signs. These streets are smelly, and dark. These streets are the streets the women work on that don't get offered a job in the strip clubs and bars. These are the streets that according to society, the lowest of the low are on. So, we decided to pray and worship here. 

Usually we are are a group of about 10. If one person stops to talk to someone, the whole group stops, we are fluid, together but spread out.  
We were walking along the sidewalk and we hear a prostitute laughing and laughing (I think she may have been under the influence of something). A couple of us stopped and began to talk to her. While we talked with her and prayed with her, people began to come out of the woodwork. We always bring a guitar, this attracts people, but I also believe it's the power of the Holy Spirit that causes people to approach us. We began to sing with a man who had a guitar of his own, while another group began to talk with a homeless man. Some ladies stopped and began to sing with us as well. It was incredible. Before we left for Zona Norte, I prayed that the people would see that there is freedom in Jesus and that they would crave that freedom and peace, that they would crave the Holy Spirit. One lady didn't want to leave us. She kept singing and singing, ignoring the prodding of her group to get going. She was craving the presence of God. The homeless man we were talking to had so much to say, I could tell all he needed was someone to listen to. I believe most of these people just need to be heard, to be cared about. Another man with a guitar watched from the distance. When we invited him to come over and play with us, he refused. He seemed to have been crying. A few of us went over and began to talk with him, he apparently had left the church and our singing moved him to return. 

As I took all of this in, I knew this is what the Kingdom of God looks like. Groups of people, rich and poor, from every social status, from every job description, every background, People being listened to, cared for, heard. Craving the presence of Jesus.God is so good, and his love is moving even in those dark, smelly streets.