Just Shake It Off

I refuse to watch The Passion of the Christ. That kind of thing really effects me, human suffering, pain, torture, I can't handle it, even if it is the reality, even if it is what my Savior did for me. The other day I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I came across a picture of a Nepalese Christian pastor being burned at the stake for his faith. The look of intense pain and anguish as his legs are being burned off is forever etched into my brain whether I like it or not. Now, when I say these things effect me so much I can't bare to see it, I am not saying I am indifferent. I UNDERSTAND, I KNOW, what Jesus did for me on the cross, I do not need a movie to remind me. I have compassion, I am compelled to pray for the persecuted believers all over the world, I don't need to see pictures to remind me. I am not indifferent, I care so much it hurts. 

Working in the red light district of Tijuana, Mexico is another thing. I have heard the deportation stories, the stories of loss, violence, heartache, pain. I am faced with them every time we step into the park to do Zone Kids, every time we go to La Roca and visit with the people, every time we go to Zona Norte and talk with the people in the streets there. There is intense loss and heartache all around us. Some of the kids in my group at Zone Kids are neglected and abused, they have endured and seen things they never should at such young ages. We see so many women working in prostitution, the amount is staggering, and that is just in Tijuana. 
We could all list the pain we see daily, but it would take too long. We live in a broken world. It is our reality. 
After ministry, we often pray that we would not carry anything unnecessary back home with us, the burdens and sadness are not ours to bear. 
You might be thinking, wait Ellie, the Bible says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Yes! Do that! But Jesus also says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So, yes, have compassion! But lay those burdens at the foot of the cross, do not carry them around. Intercede in prayer for people who are hurting. I was once convicted, if I prayed for the kids I work with as much as I worry about them what a difference that would make. Turn that anxiety and worry into fervent prayer. Jesus already has the victory over sin, death, and the power of the Devil. I am compelled to stop acting like sin has won, we need to walk in the Light, in victory. Romans chapter 12 is great and I leave you with this, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Amen. 

I Think I am Ugly

It is a hard thing to be a girl. I remember the first time I felt ugly. I was at church in youth group and I remember thinking my friends were so pretty, why wasn't I pretty like them? I was probably 11 or 12 years old. This shows the reality of our human condition doesn't it? No one ever told me I was ugly, actually it was the opposite, I was always told I was beautiful, inside and out. But my human heart automatically chose the worst. 
I am sure all of you women reading out there can relate with me. Middle school and high school were rough. Low self esteem was queen in my life, I couldn't understand who I was on the inside, and I tried to compensate for that on the outside. Looking at pictures of myself in high school I can remember the heart ache of just wanting to think of myself as pretty as the other girls. I compared and judged and compared and judged. I am quite a bit more confident in who I am now, with the personality and talents God has given to me. But how I am on the outside? I wish I could say I was over that. I wish I could say I grew out of it. But I don't think we ever grow out of our struggles, our human nature gravitates towards it. I am 23 almost 24, I still have the same struggles I did when I was a teenager looking in the mirror, with the "evil Ellie" thoughts running through my head, "You don't look good today." "You look fat." "Your face is breaking out." "Your hair is ugly." Blah, blah, blah. 
There are so many reasons why those thoughts are so wrong. ONE, they are just plain vain. I spend too much time thinking of myself rather than thinking about God or other people around me. And, TWO, who am I to tell God he messed up? Like, "Um sorry God, my hair is way too thin and frizzy, you messed that one up!" "Good job with creating the universe God! It is so beautiful, sorry you messed up on me." This is absurd. God knew exactly what he was doing when he created us. But how do I shake these consuming thoughts? Thank you God for sending us your Word! The answer is right there in Romans 12:2: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Set your thoughts on the things of Spirit, be transformed by being willing to see yourself and those around you through the eyes of Jesus!  

Outcasts

Like every Saturday night, we took to the streets of Zona Norte. Usually we stop in the busiest part of downtown to worship and pray. These streets are bright and loud, lights are flashing, food is cooking, people are rushing. But last night we decided to head towards the side streets, the streets that aren't lit up by bright lights and flashing signs. These streets are smelly, and dark. These streets are the streets the women work on that don't get offered a job in the strip clubs and bars. These are the streets that according to society, the lowest of the low are on. So, we decided to pray and worship here. 

Usually we are are a group of about 10. If one person stops to talk to someone, the whole group stops, we are fluid, together but spread out.  
We were walking along the sidewalk and we hear a prostitute laughing and laughing (I think she may have been under the influence of something). A couple of us stopped and began to talk to her. While we talked with her and prayed with her, people began to come out of the woodwork. We always bring a guitar, this attracts people, but I also believe it's the power of the Holy Spirit that causes people to approach us. We began to sing with a man who had a guitar of his own, while another group began to talk with a homeless man. Some ladies stopped and began to sing with us as well. It was incredible. Before we left for Zona Norte, I prayed that the people would see that there is freedom in Jesus and that they would crave that freedom and peace, that they would crave the Holy Spirit. One lady didn't want to leave us. She kept singing and singing, ignoring the prodding of her group to get going. She was craving the presence of God. The homeless man we were talking to had so much to say, I could tell all he needed was someone to listen to. I believe most of these people just need to be heard, to be cared about. Another man with a guitar watched from the distance. When we invited him to come over and play with us, he refused. He seemed to have been crying. A few of us went over and began to talk with him, he apparently had left the church and our singing moved him to return. 

As I took all of this in, I knew this is what the Kingdom of God looks like. Groups of people, rich and poor, from every social status, from every job description, every background, People being listened to, cared for, heard. Craving the presence of Jesus.God is so good, and his love is moving even in those dark, smelly streets. 

Just As I Am, Poor, Wretched, Blind

"Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” Mark 12: 41-44

I always wish we could know what happened to the widow in this story, did she go home and worry? I think not. I believe because she had enough faith to give so much of her savings that she had faith that God would provide for all her needs.I truly believe that after she went home all her needs were met by her Heavenly Father. 

I want to have faith like that. 

Now I am going to talk about something awkward. It's awkward for me at least. It's money. As a missionary money is awkward. I feel the constant struggle inside me, my love-hate relationship with those paper bills and plastic cards. I don't want to need money, I am not driven by it. Great, good for me. But I do need it, everyone needs it, it is how our world works. Here in YWAM every single YWAM-er you talk to has a good hand-full of awesome miracles of how God has provided. I count it as a blessing to rely on God in such a raw way as this. 

God take my little loaves and fishes and multiply it for your glory! Even if I feel I have nothing extra to give, it isn't mine, the money I have isn't mine to keep or give away, I do with it as You direct God. 

Let's all have faith to move mountains because, "the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;" Psalm 24:1. 

Nothing Else Will Satisfy

Here is an excerpt from my journal on November 2: 

" I have finally realized a trend in my life. I am not content. Like fully content. I look at everything as temporary, even if it is, I need to be utterly fulfilled by Jesus and I am not doing that. If I am in school, I am looking for a job, if I am working, I am looking for the mission field, if I am on the mission field and I am looking for the next big thing. I need to let God fulfill me in my life or else I will never be content and miss out on God's goodness...ministry does not satisfy, being fluent in Spanish does not satisfy, a husband does not satisfy, babies and children, and orphans and money...NOTHING SATISFIES, only you Lord my Rock."  

I remember when I was writing this, I was having a particularly difficult day. I am working in hospitality here at YWAM San Diego/Baja. This is a huge job, it takes up nearly 80% of my time sometimes. My job is to make sure rooms are clean, people have snacks, the buildings are clean, people are taken care of. I love it, I love taking care of people but it is an exhausting job. It has been a struggle for me. I will not lie to you my readers, I was mad. I was mad at so much. I work the most on weekends because that is when we have our build teams here building for Homes of Hope. I haven't been to a church service in about a month or so. I do ministries in Zona Norte in my free time. I was frusturated because if I could have my way I would be in Zona Norte every day. I didn't understand why God would do this to me. This all was building up in my soul and I was becoming a bitter and stressed person. I was entertaining the idea of quitting. I couldn't do it. So on November 2nd I was reflecting, and I was blown away by the revelation that God gave me. I wrote and wrote and wrote. God clearly spoke to me, "NOTHING SATISFIES". I laid back on my bed and prayed and prayed, for more revelation, for peace, for forgiveness! I was measuring my happiness based on what I wanted, or what I thought God wanted. In my mind I wasn't doing children's ministry enough so I was not satisfied. But it isn't about what we do, no matter how holy it is. You could be washing the feet of the homeless but if you aren't doing it for the glory of God, you will be left empty. You can have all this world but give me Jesus. He is the only thing that fills our hearts. He calls us to serve and sometimes that just looks different than we thought.  

This song by Hillsong Live has been really impacting me, surrender all to Jesus and he will satisfy you. 

I Surrender by Hillsong Live

Here are some random pictures from Zone Kids. God has really blessed me with getting to teach these precious ones! 

This is Isreal. As you can see he is quite the character. He really doesn't like to sit and wants to play soccer the whole time. I am struggling as to how to get him to like to sit and play games with us. He is so precious and has really good things to say but I can tell he is dealing with a lot in his little mind, so please pray for him and what ever situation he is coming from. He is showing off his medal he made, we wrote down the talents God gives us on our medals. Isreal wrote, soccer, math, and addition. 

This is Alejandro! He is 6, he loves soccer and he is probably the best listener in my class at Zone Kids. Pray for him, as he is so well behaved and I don't him to be influenced by the other kids or by the world around him. 

Here is Leonardo working on a craft we did about saying nice things to each other and being a good friend. 

Here are a few of my kids, Perla, Ivana, Gabriel, Michelle, Leonardo, Roberto, Alejandro.
Please pray for them that they would be protected from the Evil One as they come from very difficult places. And please pray for me, that I would share Jesus' love with them effectively. 

All Sons and Daughters

Ever since I was old enough to work with children I have. I grew up in my church working with kids once I was no longer considered a child. Sometimes I look back and think, did I even stand a chance? I had no choice, children are my life, and I would have it no other way. 
I really love kids, all sorts, especially babies. If the President of the United States walked in and there was a baby in the room, I am quite certain the baby would distract me more than Barack Obama. When people ask me my hobbies, I tell them, kids. 
The more I have grown, matured, and figured out who I am, more and more God has been revealing to me his heart. Many people have given me prophetic words about how I will "mother the nations" that I have God's maternal heart, one time someone even said I am like mother hen, and that my chicks will follow me and I will show them the arms of Jesus (not bad, seeing as I enjoy a good game of follow the leader). I believe these passions are a gift from God, and I intend to teach, love, care for, provide for, play with, dress, bathe, and feed children for the rest of my life. 

God teaches me a lot about himself, through examples of his father heart and mother heart. I was watching a little boy the other day sit in someone's lap. She was sitting on the floor cross-legged and he was just sitting there, stomping his feet and smiling. Completely content, just like a 2 year old should be. Immediately God told me, "be like that". I thought about it, we are supposed to be like a 2 year old sitting on someone they love and trust's lap. They don't have a worry, they are taken care of, they are provided for, they are 2, they cannot fathom what their parents have in store for them, but they know that their parents love them and that is all that matters. That is how we are supposed to be on our Father's lap, completely content, kicking our legs and smiling because we have a great Dad who loves us to sit on his lap.

Recently God gave me another picture. I remembered when I was little, I would suck my thumb and hold my mom or dad's ear. I still remember how at peace I felt when I did that. How secure I felt. I remember laying on my mom's chest and hearing her talk, and how soothing her voice was to me, I knew it was okay because I was with my mom. When I remembered that I prayed immediately. My heart so yearns to be that comforting voice to a baby, to a child, to be that security, to be that person that makes everything seem okay. I really want to be a mom one day. God knows my heart, and he told me something. "Let me be that comforting voice." I yearn so much to be a mom one day, but God yearns for us to be on his lap, secure and content in him each day. Be still. Lay your head down. "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 

Nachooooo Libreeeee

For those of you who know me, you know one of the things I love the most in this world is the movie Nacho Libre. If you haven't seen it, I implore you to watch it. The first time you watch it, you might not like it. I certainly didn't. In fact I first watched it in high school when it came it out and I hated it. But after a few years I randomly decided to watch it again and my life was changed. I can't say the movie literally changed my life but God did, and it was funny how it all happened at the same time. 
I am going to tell you a little bit of my testimony and how it pertains to Nacho Libre. Nacho Libre is about a Mexican friar whose name is Ignacio. Ever since he was young he had a dream and passion to be a great luchador (a Mexican wrestler). But since he was an orphan he grew up in a Catholic run orphanage where he became a cook in the kitchen. He continuously has this passion to become a great fighter, so he goes out and secretly tries to become a famous fighter. He must do it in secret because the Bible says, "Not to wrestle your neighbor..." It is so hilarious I am smiling to myself just thinking about all the one liners. 
Anyways, there is one scene in particular that really hit me when I was in college. Nacho is praying during mass, he prays "Gracious Father, why have you given me such a desire to wrestle but made me such a stinky warrior? Have I focused too much on my boots, and my fame, and my stretchy pants?" I felt exactly this way in college, I couldn't become a certified full time teacher because I couldn't pass a state exam we needed to enter into the College of Education. I was so upset with God because he had given me the desire to teach, it was a really hard time for me in my life and one day I watched this movie and I realized, I was Nacho. Nacho needed to realize he wasn't to fight for himself, for the fame or to be the best fighter in the whole world, but to help others. God opened my eyes to see that I was trying to create a cushion, a fall back plan if the missionary thing didn't work out. But it isn't about the fame or degree, it's about obedience. 
More recently God showed me something else. In the movie, Nacho goes to a "water gypsy" (I understand how silly this all sounds, but please trust me and watch it.) to get "eagle egg" powers so he can fight better in the ring. After he eats the eagle eggs, his partner tells him to "summon his eagle powers" when they are at a match. It's really funny. A few weeks ago I was really struggling with my identity and if I was really living a life worthy of the cross of Jesus. My friends were praying over me and God told me something. I saw a vision of an eagle flying over peaks and mountains, just soaring. God told me, "eagles don't question their identity, they don't worry about how to be an eagle, they just do it. They just fly and soar, they don't worry if they are "eagle enough". God told me to stop worrying if I am being "Ellie enough" he gave my passions and my personality for a reason, he made me who I am for a reason and I shouldn't worry if I am fulfilling his purposes so much. It isn't about what I can give to him, or how well I perform. I told my friends about what God told me and I started laughing. The line from Nacho Libre just kept running through my head to "summon my eagle powers" but now it has such a deeper meaning. I need to be Ellie, and not worry about being something else, an eagle glorifies his Creator by being an eagle, so I glorify my Creator by being who he created me to be.  
So yes, Nacho Libre has spoken to me on deep levels, much deeper than the creators of this movie probably ever thought possible. God is so good and patient. My prayer for all of you reading is that you can know the deepness of God's goodness and love for us all.   "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." Psalm 145:8

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

 "Ebenezer" is a Hebrew word and is literally translated as "Stone of Help." I just love to think about God and all his faithfulness. I often think about the story of Samuel and the Israelites fighting the Philistines. Once they turned away from their other gods and cried out the Lord, he saved them. "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” (1 Samuel 4:12)

Every day I hear the ocean waves crashing on the shoreline, the waves are so constant, we all know they will not stop crashing onto shore until the world ends. This is like our Heavenly Father. He is so constant. When he says he will do something, he will do it. I am here in Mexico imagining putting up my own Ebenezer. "Thus far the Lord has helped me." And he will continue to help me, as he calls me to himself. My favorite verse right now is 2 Timothy 2:13, "if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself." Faithful is who God is, the very essence of himself, if were to stop being faithful, he would cease to exist because he is faithful. 

Now that I am staff here at YWAM San Diego/Baja, the reality of missionary life is setting in. I am so blessed and excited to do more of God's work here in Mexico! But it is also scary! Being in Mexico means learning Spanish. Being in YWAM means monthly staff fees. Being a missionary means hard and thankless work. But as Paul writes right before verse 13, "Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us;" We are so blessed to serve the Lord in any way he has called us. 
So, what is your Ebenezer? How far has God brought you? How far are you letting him take you? 

*Note: As you all now know, I am officially staff here. Yay! This means I now have monthly staff fees, this includes housing fees, food, transportation, ministry etc. Can I ask you, my precious readers and friends to prayerfully consider supporting me monthly? If you would like to financially support me monthly or give a one time gift you can make a tax deductible check to YWAM San Diego/Baja and send it to the address below:

YWAM San Diego/Baja c/o Ellie Swenson

100 W. 35th St. Ste. R

National City, CA 91950

OR, you can make a donation through YWAM San Diego/Baja's website, www.ywamsandiegobaja.org and click on DONATIONS AND PAYMENTS on the homepage. Then click on STAFF SUPPORT. 

Thank you all for reading! I have over 600 page views which is super awesome. If you have any questions or would like to contact me, my email is: eswen91@gmail.com. 

Subiendo/Climbing

I have a story. 

I am in my bed, minding my own business and I feel the Holy Spirit prompting me, compelling me, calling me to climb this mountain. I think to myself, "I am not good at climbing, I am not conditioned, I don't really like to work that hard, it is a huge mountain, there is no way I can get to the top." But God gives me this undying passion for this mountain. My desire to scale this mountain becomes so strong I MUST conquer it. So I begin to climb. At first it's okay, I am not hard on myself to get to the top fast. I take my time. It is even a little fun. But soon, the higher I get the more I realize I have to go. The higher I get the more I see that the top is still so far away. I am trudging, tired, frustrated. I cry out in frustration. I stop. I kick the dirt. I can't do it. There are others on the mountain too. Some are sprinting past me, I feel like a loser. There are some behind me too. Everyone is cheering me on, helping me, encouraging me. It's not the people, it's me. I am my own problem on this mountain. I look back down. I have come far. I can see other people at the base of the mountain. They are happy. I could go back down and join them. But I know there is a fiesta at the top of the mountain. There is blessing at the top, opportunities I wouldn't have if I stayed at the bottom. Now that I am getting higher, God asks me to lead some people around the mountain. I feel under-qualified. What if I get these people lost? What if I stumble and fall and they laugh at me? What if I am too tired to lead these people? My desire to lead people is strong, I have always dreamed of leading others, but I feel so weak. But God reminds me of his words in Isaiah 40: 

 "Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

    and his understanding no one can fathom.

 He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint."

This isn't a real story but it is a great picture of my life. When I was 17 I knew I was called to learn Spanish and be in Latino ministries. I just knew it. God gave me a huge undying passion for the Latino culture. The Spanish language is my mountain. My strongest desire is to learn it, to proclaim Jesus' love in the heart language of the people around me here in Tijuana. I feel so weak. Some days I feel like I am sprinting, my head and my mouth are working together. Some days I am trudging and I even give up. But God is my everlasting God, he doesn't give up. He has called me to this language and he alone is the one who gives me victory! He has called me to lead people, to lead children, through him all things are possible. I have given my 5 loves and 2 fish and he has multiplied it. Yes, the more I learn, the more I realize there is to know. Fluency is a thing in my future, something I have to look forward to. So for now, I am strolling along, taking in the splendor of this language, learning new things each day. But I can't wait for the fiesta at the top, I hear there are great tacos. 

Nana of the Year

So I have announcement to make, I have officially become staff here at YWAM San Diego/Baja. I am here in Tijuana for two years. I just praise God for all that he has given me. It has been a dream to be able to do ministry here in Tijuana. God has given me such a heart for this city and the immense need here. I keep thinking of the verse in Ephesians 3:20, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! 

I have written about the ministry we do in Zona Norte called Zone Kids. I have been given charge of the younger children's program. I am so ecstatic about this as I love children, and I have an extreme heart for the area, so this is a big deal for me! God for sure has a plan for this time here.

Part of the Zone Kids ministry is a mom's Bible study where the moms come and have a Bible study and fellowship during the kids program. One lady who has been coming to the Bible study is named Mercedes. She brings her grandchildren. She has one granddaughter named Stephanie who is one year old. I just love Stephanie and through that, I have really gotten to know Mercedes. She takes care of her three grandchildren because her daughter is addicted to drugs and is very unstable. I can see in Mercedes that this effects her greatly. She is always telling me about her daughter Jaquiline, and how she is so unstable, that she is in and out of house, doing drugs, having boyfriends etc. Mercedes is very open in the Bible study about her struggles and I know she is so open to learning more about God and prayer, and trusting in her Heavenly Father. Mercedes is really trying to trust that God has a plan but I can tell she is discouraged. She is a wonderful grandmother, Stephanie is very attached to her. I love it. God has a plan for her life, more than she can ask or imagine. I want her to know this in her heart not just her head. 

• Please pray for Jacqueline that she will get the necessary help that she needs so that she can be the mother and daughter that she needs to be. 
• Please pray for Mercedes that she can really know who God is and trust in his plan for her family. 
• A praise that God has really answered my prayer in being able to lead the kids program in the park! 
• And finally can you please pray for me and my Spanish? I am discouraged and I feel like it is impossible for me to learn.

I just love Stephanie! I think this was the first time she had ever seen bubbles 

and she was making such a funny laugh! 

Homelessness

Here are two women's stories from the Bible study that we do at La Roca church in Zona Norte. One of the first women I met when I came was named Sandra. ( I mentioned her in my blog post called In the Zone and I wrote the wrong name, I called her Carla so I am sorry for that.) Anyway, Sandra is so sweet and I feel like we have a good connection. She always gives me a huge hug when we arrive. She is a woman so on fire for God. She loves worship,  she loves to read her Bible and she loves to talk about what God has done in her life. Here is a little background on Sandra. 
Before YWAM San Diego/Baja began to work regularly with La Roca, they would go out to the parks and the ravine on the boarder and minister to the people there. One of our staff, Blanca, would meet with Sandra who was living in the park. Sandra was usually drunk and rarely wanted prayer, she was quite rude in all honesty. But after she came to La Roca, the Lord changed her heart. Now she is so on fire! La Roca does ministry in the dump here in Tijuana. Sandra was saying how excited she was to go along so she could share what Jesus has done in her life! This was so cool to see. We are seeing fruit from the ministry! She said she doesn't know a lot about the Bible but she can share what Jesus has done in her life. It is so exciting to see what God is doing in the life of Sandra. It is so encouraging to see fruit. 
Here is the story of Veronica, she is a new face at our Bible study last Monday. She is a tiny petite lady. I had seen Veronica at the women's Bible study La Roca also does on Wednesday mornings. She is about 7 months pregnant. After the Bible study I told her it was really nice to meet her and asked her how she was feeling. She began to tell me about how she didn't want to be pregnant. She tried to get an abortion and then tried to commit suicide. If it weren't for her brother she would have killed herself along with her unborn baby. She went on to tell me that her other children are in foster care and she can visit them sometimes. Her husband used to beat her and her children so she ran away but the government took her kids away from her because she was doing drugs. Now she is living on the streets. She was crying through a lot of her story. She says she wants to be a good mom, she has stopped doing drugs and smoking now that she is pregnant. She doesn't know how she is going to raise the baby if she doesn't have a home. The government will most likely take her baby away from her because she doesn't have a home. 
These two women both come from the streets. I am touched by their stories. I know God has a plan fro Sandra and Veronica and I am so blessed to be in their lives! 
Prayer Requests: 

• A praise for what God has done and is doing in Sandra's life. That she would continually be discipled as she seeks the Lord! 
• God would restore Sandra and her children as they have a strained relationship.  
• God would provide for Veronica and her baby a safe place to live. 
• For health for her and her baby. 
• Veronica needs a lot of restoration in her life, that the Holy Spirit would be working. She said she feels like God wants her to forgive her husband but she said it's so hard because of all that he has done to her and her children.   

Welcome to Tijuana/Bienvenidos a Tijuana

"Zona Norte is an official neighborhood as well as a red light district located in Tijuana, Mexico. It is the largest red-light district in North America known for its brothels, street prostitution, and illicit drug sales. Due to its proximity to San Diego, California, it is frequented by US citizens as well as locals. The district is also known La Coahuila for the name of the primary avenue that runs through it." (excerpt taken from Wikipedia)

Last Saturday we went prayer walking through Zona Norte. (for those of you who do not know what prayer walking is, it is basically walking and praying through an area.) Now, we prayer walk at Zone Kids which is when we go out into the Zona Norte neighborhood and gather kids to come to the program and basically just pray for people and the community. So I was pretty sure this is what we were in for, going to Zona Norte walking around praying and talking with prostitutes or whoever else we might find. We gathered at the prayer house here on base, worshiped, and prayed that we would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and loaded up the van around 9 or 9:30 pm. We were off. Before we left, they went over the guidelines, rules on safety etc. for the night. They even said if you get overwhelmed we could leave. I remember thinking, "Who would get overwhelmed?" 

When we got there I realized we weren't going to the neighborhood at all, we were going downtown. I hadn't been to downtown Tijuana yet so it was super exciting. It kind of looked like a mini Las Vegas only way more cheesy. Lots of clubs and really loud music everywhere. It was exhilarating. After we got out of the downtown to more of the side streets we began to run into more women on the streets. I was super intimidated. A homeless person or a kid is so much easier to talk to on the street, but these women were "working" and I felt like I was bothering them, a lot of times they were cold too, you could tell they didn't want to talk. We had to be careful anyways because they could get in trouble for talking instead of working. 

As we went along, my friend Paula and I were just talking and walking when a lady grabbed her arm, and said "I remember you!" I assumed the lady did remember Paula because she had been going on prayer walks in the area before. Paula smiled and asked the lady how she was (she spoke English, praise God! I had prayed I would find someone who spoke English!) The lady very nonchalantly said "Well, this morning I got beat up." "Oh no! Are you okay? How did this happen?" "A customer picked me up last night and was high on drugs and he beat me up." She pointed to her jaw, shoulder and chest, "I am sore all through here, good thing there are no bruises." She went on to say how scared she was because she was at a different hotel than she normally works, she said she screamed for help but no one heard her. She pointed to the hotel that was behind her, "I normally work here. That way if something goes wrong I can call for help and I know people will hear me." Paula asked if we could pray for her, "Oh please! I have a son." she said. We prayed for her, all through our prayers she was so excited. "Please keep praying for me! Please keep going!" I was almost laughing! Not at her, but laughing with joy because of her enthusiasm. I really believe God appointed that meeting with her. After we walked away Paula said she had never met that woman and she didn't know why the lady said that she remembered her. I believe it was nothing less than the work of the Holy Spirit. 

The night wasn't over yet though. We made our way through the final strip of the downtown area. I think it was the main strip because there were prostitutes lined up both sides of the block. I immediately felt my spirit change. It was super heavy in that place, I felt like my head was going to explode. I was just praying and praying and praying, Satan had a huge hold on this block especially. There were so many women, maybe like 50 or more just on the block. 

As a girl probably about the age of these women we saw a lot was going through my head. The main thing I thought of was, self image. Most girls I know struggle with self esteem in one way or another. Imagine if your very job depended on how you looked, how you presented yourself? Nothing about who you are on the inside. Those very things are the things we as women worry and stress about. And I only stress about those things on a minimal level, what if my job depended on it? I would be in severe depression. Not to mention the competition. I would find myself thinking, "why her? why did that guy take her and not me?" Just the endless cycle of unworthiness, and not to mention if you do get a client, it's a lose-lose situation. You are either deemed unworthy or your sense of worth is taken from you. 

We continued to walk and got to the corner that was heading back to the parking lot. I was trying really hard to just pray and not completely lose it when a girl came up from behind us and began to sort of flirt with one of the guys in our group. We quickly started a conversation with her. Her name was Tatiana and she was 19. I could tell on her face that she thought it was so weird for a bunch of us girls to suddenly be talking to her, I kind of felt weird too but it was worth it. She was clearly working however, and while we were talking she would pull guys off the sidewalk and flirt with them. It was terrible. Out of the corner of my eye I could see old bald men fawning over some very young looking girls. It was kind of awkward for us to be standing there while Tatiana talked to the man so we stepped away. I looked at my friend and couldn't hold it in. My friend Tania began to pray for me as the tears rolled down my face. I closed my eyes because behind us another girl was leading an old man into a car. It was so overwhelming, I didn't want to leave but I was not expecting to be taken over by so much emotion. When Tania finished praying for me, Tatiana was gone with the old man, and I felt like my heart broke. 

I only felt these emotions on a small human-size level. How must God feel when he sees his beautiful daughters taken advantage of day in and day out? Some of them only get paid 60 or 70 pesos even half hour or hour which is like 5 or 6 dollars. If our hearts are breaking over this, how much more is our Heavenly Father's heart breaking? 

• Please pray for Tatiana, that she would know how much God loves her. I am really praying I can find her again. 
• Please pray for Gabriela, the woman who stopped Paula and I. Pray for her son too. A lot of kids get bullied in school when their mom's have this job. 
• Pray for safety for all these women. It is a very dangerous job they have, violence is a daily threat for them. 
• Pray for Tijuana! There needs to be a breakthrough. Satan shouldn't be allowed to have such a strong hold on this place, he doesn't have power here anymore. 

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Yesterday was probably one of my top days here in Tijuana. As I wrote in the post before this one, YWAM here in Tijuana has a ministry called Homes of Hope where building teams come to our base and build a home in two days for a needy family in the surrounding communities. It's an awesome ministry! I think of the verse in James 2 that says "What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." Providing these people with a home is a great way to open the door for relationship. So yesterday we had a big community fiesta in a colonia called Castillo and invited many of the families we had built a house for to come. It was such a great time. We painted the women's nails, we had hot dogs, there was music, a bouncy house, and pastor came and shared with the people, at the end we gave out donations of clothes, shoes, blankets, even some lamps and things for the home. Our prayer is that those people were blessed and that they know who Jesus is! God be glorified! 
Finally! I have some pictures to show! Hope you enjoy them! 

Beautiful sunset! Can't get enough of it. 

Heading out to Castillo for the community party.
I am blessed to be able to work with such a great group of people here in YWAM!! 

Ready for some fun in Castillo! 

Introductions. 

5 month old sweet Milagros (Miracles). 

Painting nails.

Doing some art work. He was such a cutie. 

More nail painting. 

Adriana got a new teddy bear. 

New toys for everyone! 

And new hats! 

View from up above. 

Feels Like a Different World

The first time I took a trip up the rocky hill I was surprised. Tijuana is very Americanized, with the beautiful ocean view, there are many all inclusive, fancy shmancy resorts and really nice ocean view houses. So, I was surprised at what I found at the top, not so far away from the resorts. 
We took an exit off the main highway that goes right along the Pacific, and we went up, up, up. The road became gravel and we bounced along the side of a hill (for those of you who have been in Bolivia, this was like a mini Bolivian road, it made me nostalgic). Soon we came across shanty houses with skinny dogs laying on the door step. I can't say much surprises me anymore, I have seen many many towns like these, but I was surprised to find a community like this so close to the States. These communities above Tijuana are called the colonias. It is a bunch of little communities clustered together in a ramshackle way. One community is called Garanjas, another, Antorcha, and there is Antorcha 2, and so on. 
As you can imagine, the poverty is ever present, it is like a third world country up there. Anything you can picture in a poverty stricken Mexican town was there, dusty roads, patched up houses, graffiti, kids, dogs, you name it. 
YWAM has wonderful ministries with these communities, we build homes for the neediest of the families, and we have a children's program on Thursdays that I happily attend. Right now, YWAM is working in community development with these communities and getting a feel for what the needs are that we can meet as a ministry. 
The other day I got to go on a trip up to the colonias and we were going to do house visits, gathering information on the families and the community but most importantly establishing relationships with the people. We work a lot in Antorcha so we went there. 
The first house we visited was a girl named Abi. Her mom wasn't home but she knew one of the people with me through the kids program so she invited us in. She was about 15 or 16, maybe 17 I couldn't tell. She had four little siblings. She watches her siblings while her parents work. The older kids go to school but they have a one year old sister that Abi watches all day. She said she can't go to school because there is no one to watch her baby sister. While she talked, I wondered what she really thought? She knows she is supposed to go to school and be educated, she has dreams, she said she would like to work in an orphanage (yay!) she isn't from some far off jungle village she is lives half an hour from States, she grew up in Nevada. But what does she think now? What do her parents think? People in Mexico have to work really really hard to make a living and you don't ever get paid vacation. I imagine her parents work really hard to have money and keep their home. But what about Abi? What are her parents working so hard for if she is going to stay at home? I have been wondering a lot about this. Abi's situation is extremely common in the colonias. Life is difficult and everything revolves around surviving and making a living, I feel the idea of having "dreams" for your life are too much of a luxury. How do we relate with these families when they are so occupied with survival? Where do we begin? Obedience and open ears to what the Lord has to say is a good start right? "It is the work of God through us that counts, not what we do for him." -Oswald Chambers 

Nothing Left to Do But Wait

Can I be honest? I love Mexico as much a the next person, probably more actually because I am here in Tijuana, but there are things I don't understand. I feel like even if I asked "Why do you do this?" I wouldn't understand. Luckily, I have read a lot of books, like, Foreign to Familiar: A Guide to Understanding Hot and Cold Climate Cultures by Sarah Lanier or Cross-Cultural Servanthood: Serving the World in Christlike Humility by Duane Elmer (both great and amazing helpful reads if you are planning on going on a missions trip or something). Also an entire week was dedicated to cross cultural communications in my secondary school at YWAM Minneapolis. But even if I am going to be respectful of the cultural differences and different worldviews, can't I still express my confusion? 

One thing about Mexico that I really don't understand  is the hospital protocol. There is a hospital ministry here at the base. Every Monday we go out to the hospital near downtown Tijuana and minister to the people outside the hospital. The side streets near the hospital are full of cars parked and people waiting inside, a lot of people are also packed outside the doors of the emergency room. Why are all these people waiting? Here in Mexico, when you know someone who has been admitted to the hospital, you are not allowed to accompany them inside. I don't know why, maybe there isn't room for extra people, maybe they have had too many "incidents", I am not sure. But what I do know is, there are a lot of worried family members and friends standing outside for hours, days, weeks, wondering and worrying. So, every Monday we go out armed with burritos to minister and talk to the people. We talked with a lot of people. I met a husband with his two children waiting outside the ER, he said his wife was having their third child via C-section. I talked with him a lot and played with his clearly over tired cute 5 year old. (We were there from 9-11 pm, so it was late.) I prayed for him and his wife and family, it was really sweet. After that I talked with a really friendly Christian family who were waiting to hear about their niece who was having her appendix removed. Some of the people in my group were playing the guitar and singing worship songs. I remember thinking how easy it would be to just join them in singing, instead of seeking out more people to pray for and talk to but I saw this girl just standing there all alone and I felt compelled to talk to her. I grabbed a burrito and walked up to her. I asked how long she was waiting there, she said not for very long. I asked her what happened, why was she there. She said her husband had been hit, (I wish I had asked her how, I am not sure if it was hit in a fight or a car accident). Her name was Marta and her husband's name was Saul. She was really open and we quickly engaged in conversation. She was 23 (my age) and she was really worried because now her husband couldn't work because of the accident and she would have to find work to support them. They have two children, 3 and 1 years old. She began to cry out of frustration and worry because she didn't know how they could afford day care for the kids and she didn't know of anyone to watch them while she worked. My heart went out to her. I can't imagine the stress of trying to figure that all out. She said her sister could watch her children, as she is the closest family member but Marta explained that she and her sister have a bad relationship because her sister judges her because it turns out Saul isn't her husband. She asked me if I went to church. I said yes and she began to talk about God and what she thinks of church. She was basically opening the door for me to share the Gospel. I was so nervous because this was all in Spanish and I am not good at sharing deep things in Spanish yet. She explained to me she doesn't want to go to church because everyone is a hypocrite and they judge a lot. But she said she liked the idea of God and she liked worship songs. I told her God loves her no matter what and that he makes all bad things into good because he loves us! I told her not worry because God is good and he has a plan and that he will provide. I could tell her heart was yearning for God, I could feel it. It was really amazing, I wish there was more I could do for her. I told her about a church I knew of near by if she wanted to start going. So now all I can do is pray that God will continue to pursue her, and that He provides childcare and a job for her. If you remember can you pray for Marta and Saul and their children too? I really think God can use this hard time to glorify himself in their lives! 

Read Your Bible Pray Everyday

"A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer."- August 20, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. 

When I read this quote in my devotions this morning I understood exactly what Chambers was saying. Children are trusting to fault, they will believe anything you tell them. They trust in almost anything. That's why parents have teach them at a young age not to talk to strangers etc. Jesus also uses children as an example,“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3) 

I was convicted this morning at my lack of child-like faith. When I used to pray, I always tacked on a "If it be your will Lord." Now it isn't that I don't want the Lord's will in my life, but I feel I put that "If it be your will Lord" on the end as a buffer, a backup for if God failed me. I struggle a lot with vulnerability in my prayer life, so becoming like a little child is hard for me. But I don't think that is how God wants anyone to be when they pray to him. I would never want my little brother Zem to be afraid to ask me for something because he thought I would get mad or turn him down. I am not perfect towards Zem, but we have a perfect God! Who loves us! He loves more than we can ever imagine so shouldn't Christ's love compel us to enter into the throne room of God and ask him for requests? Jesus says in Luke, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” 

So in light of all this prayer stuff, can I ask for prayer? 

• The biggest thing on my heart now are two girls we met at the park yesterday at Zone Kids, one of the staff in our group said she saw their dad come pick them up and he was abusing them physically and verbally, pushing them and yelling. The picture of this makes me feel like I am going to throw up. We are at a loss as to what to do. Its hard to receive justice for this type of thing even in the States, I don't even know how to go about this in Mexico. Can you pray for these girls? That someone will intervene who has power to remove them from their situation? And that in this moment they can be protected somehow? I am glad because school started today in their area so they can be safe at school. 
• Another thing is my Spanish. I need to be very diligent in my speaking and practicing. It is starting to become difficult.  
• Tomorrow we are going to the Juvenile Hall and meeting with about 8 or 9 girls between the ages of 15-18. Pray that they can be made whole again and can have relationship with their Heavenly Father. I am going to be sharing about prayer, my hope and prayer is that they too can become like little children and trust in their God to help them. 

I can't believe I am already half way done with my time here! God has done amazing things and I know he isn't done yet! Thank you all for praying and supporting me, I have about 300 viewers on my blog, that is so encouraging! Thank you all! May God bless you! 

Some of you have asked for my address, although I am in Mexico, all of the mail gets sent to the office in the States. Here is the address: 

YWAM San Diego/Baja c/o Ellie Swenson 

P.O. Box 5417

Chula Vista, CA 91912

View of the Pacific from the Base! Lovely! 

My first Homes of Hope build. We built the house in 2 days! This the before picture. 

Antonio Jr. painting the trim for his brand new home! 

Here it is! It has three rooms inside. Praying for the family who enjoys this home!
Antonio and Victoria have 3 little children.  

Relaxing in the "shade" after finishing up the house. 

Cool wall art in Playas. 

My Minneapolis

This is just a quick shout out to YWAM Minneapolis and how impacting my time there was. I will never forget the people there and what God did during my time there. I miss it everyday, I consider this base my home, and the staff there my family. 
Here is an awesome video created by one the YWAM Mpls staff Lisa Ryan about the School of Ministry Development I just finished and I am now on outreach for. Here is the link!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9QT ETcQV4U&feature=youtu.be

Here we are at our commissioning ceremony. What a great SOMD class! 

In The Zone

I have been very in awe at how God works and how a lot of the things in my life have come full circle. Ever since I went to Bolivia for my first time, I knew I was called to Latino missions. I can't really say how I knew but I knew that my heart was bursting for the Spanish language and warm culture and that God was calling me to work in that culture. The mission field was calling my name. 

During the second semester of my junior year of high school my mom and I began to volunteer with Wayside Cross Ministries in Aurora, Illinois and God began to do something in my heart for inner city ministry. We worked at an after school program, helping struggling kids with their homework. My heart was stolen yet again by these kids that were so difficult yet so wonderful. I was fascinated by their Mexican slang Spanish/English concoction, their illiteracy in both languages broke my heart. I saw them grow up and join a gang, or get pregnant at 16, I knew this was what I was made for. I worked at that school for about 5 years. It was wonderful. I learned so much about God's heart for East Aurora and the families that are there. 

I remember taking on a summer class at Aurora University one year just so I could still be staff with the group Communities in Schools so I could keep working with the kids over the summer (you couldn't work for CIS if you weren't an Aurora resident or a student in Aurora, I think I broke even that summer, with paying for the class and working). 

Slowly but surely I began to wonder about these children's native land, Mexico. Where did they come from? Or their parents and grandparents? What was Jalisco and Monterrey and Mexico City like? They always seemed to be planning to take a vacation to Mexico to see their cousins and whatnot. I was intrigued. 

God really blessed me by allowing me to go to the Guadalajara area of Mexico last year with YWAM. And now I am here in Tijuana. I love the story that God has given me, how he has woven it all together. I used to pray Psalm 16 a lot when I was struggling with figuring out what God wanted me to do and I think he has really answered my prayer for his glory! "Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. "

This past week I went to another YWAM San Diego/Baja ministry site called Zona Norte, it is a homeless/deportee ministry that we partner with. We work with a church called La Roca (The Rock), and it is one amazing ministry. It is a homeless ministry as well as rehabilitation center and orphanage. Amazing. I talked with some of the women while we were there, Carla I think was one of their names. I am hoping to talk with her again, they say that the people at the shelter are always eager to share their story about why they are homeless or why they were deported from the USA. I am so eager to hear their stories. 

Something I was super in shock about was the men. They were rough of course, homeless men usually are, they looked like they had been through a lot. The YWAM staff with me said that the men LOVED to worship, so when we would come they would sing worship songs. We sang about 3 songs and tears were in my eyes. These men had terrible voices but yet they were so beautiful because I knew they wanted something MORE for their life so badly, their off beat clapping was so enthusiastic. It was beautiful, perhaps one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. 

Who said missions can't be fun? 

I have been really blessed by all of the staff here in Tijuana too, 

its a blessing to work with them! And of course a blessing to have fun